Are You Ready for an Upgrade? Part I by Wesley Stringfellow

Editor:Wesley and Neesha Stringfellow decided years ago, even when their own marriage was in its; early days that they hated what they saw happening to so manyof their friends marriages. They determined to bring couples together in fellowship, and through various programs that would help them discover ways to strengthen their marriages. In time the Marriage Ministry of HeartLife Ministries was born. Under their leadership hundreds of couples have participated in a “marriage get-away” held now every October. Wesley and Neesha are leading a week-long series of articles on God’s first design for human relationship – marriage! Enjoy!

10By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. 11For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work. 14If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. 15If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.1 Corinthians 13:10-15 (NIV)

Whenever we hear the phrase “upgrade” we are inclined to think about our material possessions such as cars, houses, clothes, or finances. The upgrade that I am referring to is an upgrade in your personal life. No, I’m not talking about getting rid of your current spouse and upgrading to a new one. I’m sorry Neesha, but Van Diesel can’t replace me. But seriously, sometimes we get to a point in our marriages where we just figure, “It is what it is!” and we begin to accept the place we are in. You have been lied to by the enemy. God wants better for you. He has better plans for your marriage, and I am going to tell you how to get it.

In order to upgrade or build on anything we must first have a strong foundation. What’s the point of putting on a set of new tires when your wheel alignment is off? What’s the point of finishing your basement when your foundation leaks every time it rains? The first thing we must build up is ourselves – first by surrendering all to God and second by realizing that we all have personal issues that we need to fix, by prayer, counsel, or both. Even the best of us need counsel at some point in our lives. WE have a tendency to put all the blame on our spouses and act as if we are blameless victimes. WE cannot attempt to fix the other person when we are not whole ourselves. My wife always uses the analogy of an airplace emergency, when the oxygen mask comes down, the first thing you do is put the mask on yourself, not because you are selfish but because you can’t help anyone else if you are passed out on the floor. We must first build our foundation in Christ and make sure it is solid because your family and friends might need to build theirs upon yours, or at the least be able to lean on you when they are weak. Like it saysin 1 Cor 3:15″ “If it is burned up, he will suffer loss, he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.” and that is not God’s plan.

We msut first begin to heal ourselves, we have to make ourselves whole. There are a multitude of circumstances and life challenges that keep us weighed down, but I think one of the greatest hurdles we may ever have to leap over is unforgiveness. Unforgiveness in our heart is like a parasite in our blood draining all the vital nutrients we need to be healthy. We must learn to forgive ourselves and then learn to forgive the other people in our past and present, who have wronged us. I know that’s real easy to say, but how do we get to that place? How can I feel happy again? It is possible, you can get there. In Part II of this series, My Best Friend and Wife – Neesha is going to guide you on the first step to upgrading your marriage, so please read tomorrow – “Are you ready?

God Bless You and Yours,
Wes Stringfellow