Are you Ready for an upgrade? Part 4
“Who told you that you were naked?”
Who told you that you can’t be married and happy too? Who told you to stay together “for the good of the children”? We have been fed this lie all of our lives from various sources, sources that we might consider to be valid and some sources that are far from being credible but yet we still buy into them. Neesha and I have been counseling married folks for about 10 years so we’ve heard just about everything. The thing that I don’t get is how these famous radio and TV hosts who aren’t even in healthy relationships attempt to tell you about your relationship. We buy into this foolishness quite often without even considering the source. I once told a single co-worker who was receiving advice on women from another co-worker. He’d been divorced twice and was single at the time. Who’s advice do you really believe, his or mine? That does not mean by any stretch that people who have been divorced can’t give sound advice on relationships, that’s not what I am trying to imply. What I am trying to say is we have to search out wise counsel so we can make healthy choices. Invest in your marriage but going to retreats and getaways. Get involve in married groups at your church. I try to get as much knowledge on marriage as possible so that my relationship can stay healthy and fun. You should want your relationship to be enjoyable and not just tolerable. That was God’s plan for us, He wanted man to have a companion, and He did not just want us to have a roommate just for the sake of convenience or “for the good of the children”.
Since we are on the subject of children, let me educate you a little bit, but before I go on I want to tell you, “I love you”, ok now that I got that out of the way, let me school you on some things. As I was writing this it just so happened that the Dr. Phil show came on. A young lady wrote in to Dr. Phil stating she wishes her parents would go head and split-up because the only thing she can remember growing up is how miserable her parents were and still are the physical altercations, disrespect toward each other and so on. So Dr. Phil sat the parents down with the three oldest girls ages 22, 18, 13 and a 5 year old at home. The parents had been married for 25 years and were together “for the good of the children”. So let’s look at the good that came about:
• The kids were miserable
• The oldest got pregnant at the age of 14
• Both of the oldest girls were in abusive relationships
• The 13 year old is gone as much as possible and will probably go for the first guy who comes along and is nice to her
• The 5 year old is cussing’ at the teachers and acting out everyday
• All have had behavioral problems growing up
Now before you start emailing me I am not saying this can’t happen in a household with parents that like each other but the statistic show that in a high tension household these problems are far more likely to happen. Girls look for that first hero to rescue them and guys tend to act out in aggression. No I am not saying get a divorce because even from the most amicable divorces you are still likely to get a grocery list of issues. The one thing I do believe is our children are watching us, they see and feel everything that is going on in our homes and it does affect them in one way or another. I think every parent reading this would say that they would lay their lives down for their kids…well how about Living for them instead. I would like to believe my son Gevon who got married at the age of 23 and had me as an example of what a happy marriage could look like. Most people might advise against getting married at such a young age. I believe that he believes that his marriage will be great because he has a good role model to look up to. Find a way to make your marriage a happy one, if not for yourselves, at least do for the healthiness of your children.
God bless you and yours
Wes